


Be With Me

by red_scully



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, TRoS Spoilers, although I actually loved the ending, but maybe because this was what I assumed was happening anyway, not beta read because I have no Reylo friends, send help and cookies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:27:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21972079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/red_scully/pseuds/red_scully
Summary: This is a post-TROS fix-it fic. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS.--Ben was gone.And he was always with her.--Or, what happened when she got to Tatooine.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	Be With Me

Ben was gone.

And he was always with her.

She felt him within her as she kissed her friends goodbye, packed up her ship and flew to Tatooine like the Force told her to do. During the last year, as their Force bond burned and pulled them endlessly into each other's heads, his presence had become familiar. He felt a certain way, his energy had a certain frequency, and as they mentally sparred, fought for control, and ransacked each other's minds, she had come to know his whole being as intimately as the body of a lover.

But this was different, now. Ben had given her his life force. His presence was no longer an invader of her mind but resident within her very being. His anger and darkness had fallen away. His Force presence hummed and shifted inside her soul. It was a strange feeling, and yet at the same time it felt exactly right, like this is what they'd needed all along. He was here. He was with her. He _was_ her.

\--

He appeared to her for the first time when she was crying.

The war had been all-consuming and she'd gotten through it because she had to, but one day it hit her like a star destroyer, and she found herself sobbing inconsolably in her bed, grieving desperately for all they'd lost along the way. She felt his presence surge _out_ of her and then suddenly he was knelt there, his breath warm on her face. He had more substance than the Force ghosts she'd encountered before and for a moment she thought it was a hallucination - but then he touched her cheek and he was warm and solid and she knew this was some other form of manifestation. She barely dared speak for fear of breaking the spell. As it turned out, she didn't need to.

"Rey. It's ok, sweetheart. I'm here. I'll always be here." He kissed her gently, and the world, the planet, the very Force itself seemed to stop. She suddenly missed him terribly; here he was in front of her, and she missed his soul inside her own.

His voice was low as he shared secrets only for her. His lips touched hers as he spoke. Tears streamed down her face. She shifted back on the bed and he climbed in beside her, pulling her into his embrace. She slipped into a deep, cleansing sleep, and when she awoke, the following morning, he had disappeared.

He was with her. It was enough.

\---

His presence in her soul was soothing.

She felt him wherever she went. She traded in markets, and he was there, an intuition about who was trustworthy and who was trying to swindle her. When she spent long hours meditating, he was part of the process, a presence in the backdrop of her mind. When she thought of Han or Leia, she felt his love and regret surge in her blood. It was him, his essence, but not his thoughts. It was strange, after all that time with their bond when she knew his every fleeting idea and feeling and fantasy, to suddenly be sitting with a static, unchanging Ben Solo, without conflict or yearning or rage.

She travelled sometimes, and when she flew she felt him, suggesting different manoeuvres and always wanting to fly faster and more aggressively, an odd sensation that she didn't much care for. He appeared less when she was away. She thought maybe it was because she was less in touch with herself when she was around other people. She ignored her own needs, which meant ignoring him within her blood. Whenever she got home from a trip she would meditate for hours as soon as possible, feeling a keen need to rebalance herself. He'd resettle in her soul soon enough, but it would be many days before he manifested again.

She told herself this was a good thing.

\---

Once, he appeared as she was building a shelter. He stood and watched her work without saying a word. She wouldn't even have noticed him at all if not for that strange feeling when he untangled from her soul and rushed outwards. His mouth was barely upturned into a smile and his hair moved gently with the breeze. She saw fondness on his face. It gave her a sudden surge of affection which made her dizzy, and she had to sit down and breathe deeply until he faded away.

\---

His presence in her mind was enough, but she couldn't deny that his visits were becoming welcome.

Sometimes he appeared during the daytime, but most of his appearances came late at night. She still didn't know what triggered it; she couldn't tell if it was something coming from her, or from him, or maybe when both their souls just happened to line up in a certain way. Whatever it was, it always felt right in that moment. He would comfort her, warm her, help her drift back off to sleep during the coldest nights, and when she was feeling sad his smile was a tonic to heal everything.

She continued to commune with the Force. She wanted to find out what it meant that he was still here. But try as she might, the answer evaded her. She spoke with past Jedi about all manner of things, but on this topic nobody would be drawn: whenever she tried, the Force would drop her back to the present with a snap.

One time she could have sworn she felt Ben chuckling about it all.

\---

She constructed a new lightsaber from her staff. She buried the old sabers in the sand. It was the right thing to do: the idea came to her in a vision from the Force. It felt cleansing and good and important. She changed her name. He hummed contentedly in her bones, then, and the Force felt perfectly balanced. 

But later she felt a wall of grief hit her, and she went to bed in the middle of the day. She wasn't even sure what she was grieving for. 

As she lay, she felt him materialising beside her in the bed. The sensation was still unpleasant as he left her soul and became a physical being, but she was grateful for his presence, and curled into his body immediately. He turned to kiss her and wiped the tears from her face, and she tangled a hand in his hair. She felt calmer and drew a deep breath. He studied her. "Oh sweetheart, don't cry," he murmured gently. He rarely spoke when he appeared, and hearing his voice was a surprise. She'd forgotten how deep it was, the way it seemed to vibrate through her like a wave, and then she realised that she was mourning him. Not his mind, or his soul or his being but his warmth and how he had felt when she lost him. She missed something they'd only shared for a few fleeting seconds. She missed this.

She kissed his mouth again, wanting to taste that voice, and now there was more to this encounter, more than whispers and comfort and just being together. Suddenly there was heat and desire, and to her surprise it felt natural and right and pure and strong with the balanced Force. He pushed her onto her back, and he was heavy and hot and oh he was real, he just had to be real, it wasn't possible that he was an apparition. Apparitions weren't this solid, didn't taste this way, didn't run their hands over her body carefully, didn't whisper in her ear and make her feel sharp and alive. Apparitions didn't kiss her sweetly as they undressed her. 

Rey had been with men and women before and it had always been desperate and quick and dirty - not bad dirty, just sort of illicit and grubby, and it'd always just been _sex_, something you did to scratch the itch, to block out the misery all around you. But now there was no rushing, no race to be fucking already, to be coming already, to be done already. Her hands shook as she unbuttoned his shirt, as she ran her hand over his chest and felt his heart beating under her fingertips.

_Apparitions didn't have heartbeats._

_Sex was never like this before._ 

As the suns eventually set outside and a dark desert night settled in, Rey and Ben made love, and it felt pure and beautiful and meaningful. She took him inside her body, and as he reached his climax she felt him in her soul, her life force, her very being, but he was still here, still a physical presence, he was everything and everywhere and she could _see_ the balance within the moment. She was overwhelmed, then, and crushed her lips to his, then exclaimed her love for him over and over and suddenly she knew that she did need him here, his soul inside of hers was no longer enough, not now she knew how it was to have him tangled up with her in this way, and she closed her eyes and spoke with the Force, and thought, _I am keeping him, please let me keep him, and I will never ask you for anything again._

When she opened her eyes, he was still there beside her. She felt their Force bond rush back with his thoughts and feelings and desires, and it was a deliciously familiar sensation, one she hadn't known she was longing for, and she reached out and touched his face. He smiled, and murmured, "I am with you."

When she woke the next morning to the light of the two rising suns streaming through the windows as a single ray of light, he was still with her.

**Author's Note:**

> Ambiguous ending because I don't even know what I want. Did he stay? Did he go? Choose your own adventure, my pretties.
> 
> Come see me on Tumblr! https://redredreylo.tumblr.com


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